A few first impressions of Paris life

1)THE FRENCH STARE – there is no shame in staring intently at someone for the duration of a 20 minute metro journey. Stare-wars are common. Clearly, only polite Brits shyly look away when caught out.

2)THE FRENCH CLOTHES – unbelievably irritating effortless dressing, for which you have to be skinny, flatchested and own nothing but black and grey and cigarettes. I am seriously having to rethink my wardrobe choices; I think the yellow tutu might have to go.

3) THE FRENCH DOG POO – third time in three days that I’ve heard that horrible squelching noise and looked down to a very smelly shoe. I love dogs, especially dressed up Parisian ones (I saw one wearing a fur-lined hoodie today) but come on Frenchies, clear it up.

4) THE FRENCH CAFE CULTURE – exactly what the cliché is. Coffee at all times of the day, anywhere, everywhere, always. Most definitely my kind of culture.

5) THE FRENCH KISS – Best chat up line ever: “You are English, non? ‘ave you met ze French kiss? Well, ladiez, I am ze French Kiss” Well, enchantez French kiss, let’s hope to see more of you.